Pentel oil pastel "beauty"

Not perfection, but strive for Grace

 Its crazy how things change in our lives. Our desires, goals, entertainment choices, hobbies ALL Change from time to time. And that is okay!
I think we need to embrace life. Not only the times when the sun is shining,,, but when its raining too! As I blogged before I believe in the plan of salvation and I KNOW we were instructed concerning our life here on earth before we came. And we AGREED to come anyways! So when life is tough think "Its worth the prize in the end (Eternal life)!".
I believe that eternal life is for the faithful, but I also believe that we will be pleasantly surprised with how many people will be there. I think we who grew up LDS think we need to be perfect in order to get that great blessing in the end....but come on!!! We know there is NO such thing as perfect by now...right? All we have to do is our best and the Lord will make up for our short comings. I like the quote that says, "Simply do what you can do...in the best way you know how, and the Lord will accept you effort" -Pres Gordon Hinckley
So come on, accept that no house is perfectly clean, their is no perfect parenting, you only can do what you can which means the occasional "No", and your weight, race, age doesn't define you..its what's in your soul that matters most,,,its where we are going, not where we have been.
Ive been taking the discussions and it was said that when we are judged it most likely isnt going to be a list of all wrongs read to us,,,but more so questions on where we are going and how we are getting there that matters most.
Please have a good rest of the week!!! Please say your prayers!!! Heavenly Father so much wants to know how we are and is so willing to help is we ask and keep a look out for the answers! A quote I always liked was something like "He doesn't always come when you call him... but He is always on time!".

I Stand All Amazed

I had the best Sabbath Day today!!!
I knew that today was the day I have been waiting for and had woke up at a reasonable time, which was nice because I didn't have to hurry or rush.
I got to church at 11am and sat next to my best friend Susan and waited for sacrament to start, of course I had Gunnar with me which is the best thing in the world cause I get little reminders all day that someone loves me because...he loves me. Anyone who knows me and Gunnar knows that we are so in love with each other!
Then the sacrament hymn started and I knew it was about time for what I have been waiting for..the sacrament. It was really special because the hymn was "I Stand All Amazed"...  which is a favorite. Here are the words..take them in...

1. I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully He proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me He was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died
 Chorus. Oh it is wonderful, that he should care
Enough to die for me. Oh it is wonderful, wonderful To me.
2.I marvel that He would descend from His throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine.
That He should extend His great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem and to justify
Chorus. Oh it is wonderful, that He should care for me
Enough to die for me. Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.
3.I think of His hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, No  I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at His feet.
Chorus. Oh it is wonderful, that we should care for me
Enough to die for me. Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.

Well..  this song always brings the spirit in for me...and it surely did again today...so much so that tears flowed.
The sacrament was passed and I partook of the bread. As I waited for the water to be blessed and served I thought to myself "Yes! Its finally here...but, am I worthy?"  for the briefest of moments I thought "Probably not"... but it was quickly followed by "I feel the spirit today, and I am not listening to you Satan! This is good". All while this happened in the briefest of moments my service dog Gunnar put his front paws on both sides of my waste and licked my face and I TRULY felt  in that moment that my Heavenly Father Himself was giving me a hug! It sounds kind of silly...but it was a very spiritual moment for me and tears again fell down my face.
Looking back on this I make a couple observations. First..we may at times doubt ourselves... but we need to look to where those thoughts are coming from (Satan) and tell Satan to move aside!!! That we are not listening to him today! Second... our best friends with paws are one of if not the closest things to Heaven outside the Temple itself! If you wonder if your loved...look at yourself the way your dog does! They only see the good in us! They really do.
I decided to stay for all of church today and am so glad I did!!! I LOVE my ward! I probably had 20 people introduce themselves and they genuinely was interested in what I had to say.
"Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me. Thank you for guiding and directing me. Thank you for allowing me to feel and recognize the Holy Spirit! Thank you for sending all the love you sent to me  today. Thank you for the hug!"

Metaphor of the Lodgepole Pine's seed...

This is an old church talk that I gave.. and I love it so much!!! So I wanted to reshare the post with ya'll





My Journey; Overcoming Obsticals and Finding Joy: Church Talk; Metaphor of the Lodgepole Pine's seed...: Alright....here is my talk from church today.... "There could not be a better topic to speak on other than what I was asked to spea...

I can do this!

I got a blessing last night as I am struggling with nicotine withdrawals.
The blessing was just what I needed on day 4 of quiting tobacco. A neighbor of my friend Susan came over and assisted Susan's cousin Bill in the blessing. I was told of how much my Heavenly Father loves me...and is proud of me and the spirit was so strong. I love the Holy Ghost...the feeling you get when he is near is amazing. I'm starting to feel him enter my life once again as I am going to church and trying to get my temple recommend back.
Some other things that are helping me quit tobacco are listening to uplifting music, being around uplifting people, using an ice pack to get my mind off of "tobacco, tobacco, tobacco...", chewing gum, doing a puzzle, drawing... just anything to keep me busy.
Thank goodness I have an amazing friend to help me thru this time...she really helps me to try and be a better person. She uplifts me so much! I feel so loved, something I haven't felt in a long, long time. And her cousins Bill and Mary that live with her have also been so inspiring. Bill quit tobacco a long time ago and has had some good ideas to get thru the day and Mary gave me some oil called "Serenity" that is helping tons! They say to just take it a day at a time...and that is what I am doing. All I care about is Today!!!
I want to thank all those that lift me up. Justin, Susan, Bill, Mary and my home teacher Jana is so amazing and just talks to me and sends me positive affirmations all the time.

If you want to quit using tobacco call Utah's Quit Tobacco company at 1800-QUIT-NOW as they can offer Gum or Patches as well as make a good plan on how to get thru the hard withdrawals and just someone to talk to... all for FREE.
My Quit Date = 2/11/17 @ 5pm

Pentel oil pastel "Peacock

The Game begins

I've had a few good days this past week.
On Friday my dad was in town and I got to hang out with him a bit...which was nice, always enjoy seeing him.
On Saturday I got to go to my friend Susan's house and we spent a good portion on the afternoon into evening coloring and chit chatting. We then had root beer floats and laughed some.
On Sunday I made it to church which was nice. And I got some exciting news. I get to have the sacrament the time after next!!! I asked when would be a realistic time frame for me to get my temple recommend back and he stated that if I cut tobacco I can have my recommend back pretty soon! So, I am cutting cold turkey as soon as I finish my last pack!!! I know its going to be hard... prayers would be appreciated.
All I know is that the temple brings so much peace into my life...along with confidence, blessings and health.
I also know that making the decision to be temple worthy is also like a beacon flashing to the adversary that "Hey!!! KayLeigh needs to be worked on EXTRA hard!!! She CANNOT succeed." But knowing that I know this means that I can say "Hey, this is just Satan doing his job".
I just stated a new game that I am aiming to win, Team Satan is going down!!!! I am going to score points by practising and warming up to keep me on my toes. The practise will be daily prayer, scripture study, church attendance, surrounding myself with those who bring me up, blogging, etc. Go!!! Fight!!! Win!!!
Satan, you can just plan on loosing this time! I am not going to let you win and I have a good feeling that those around me will be cheering me on with prayer and encouragement.
Good friends will know how important this is for me and will fight for me to win.

Pentel oil pastel "beginning of the bird"

Pentel oil pastel "The tree"

Mungyo soft pastels "cloud work"

Pentel oil pastel "sunset 2"

Pentel oil pastel "Dots"

Pentel oil pastels "tree"

Similair to "birds in a tree" but with oils instead of soft pastels

Plan of Salvation

Life is hard.
I was thinking today about the plan of salvation (pre-earth life and life after death) and how Jesus Christ is the center of that plan.
Before we came to earth I believe we knew what was ahead for us if we CHOSE to follow Christ instead of Satan. How sad it is that 1\3 of the children of God chose not to follow Christ, but Satan. That is such a huge number.
But, all of us on this earth agreed to the plan of salvation and was instructed of our life here. We knew their was a way for us to return to our Father in Heaven if we accepted Christ into our lives.
Christ was chosen by God to come to earth and atone for our sins AND to die for us so we could overcome death. All we have to do is exercise faith in Christ, repent of our sins and endure to the end. By choosing to follow Christ we also must do as He did in His life....follow Him as it says so much in scripture.
Its comforting to me that we were instructed of our time here on earth. I knew of my trials... and knew no matter what I would face, in the end I could return to Heavenly Father free of sins, washed clean.
I know that Jesus Christ is the example we must follow, and although it seems hard sometimes, and Satan is breathing down our necks trying to get us off coarse... if  we just ASK God to lead us He surely will.
All I want is to be able to return to the temple so that I can feel close to my God once again. I know that the temple is a little Heaven on earth. What a blessing it is that we have so many temples close to us, not all members are as fortunate as we are and we must take advantage of the opportunities we have to go and do temple work. I know that life is much better when we are doing all we can to follow Him.

Pentel oil pastel "Cherry Blossom"

Cannot figure out what else this needs. For now, unfinished.

Mungyo Soft Pastels "birds in a tree"

Forgive yourself quote

Forgiveness

I've had a really good day so far.
My visiting teachers took me out for breakfast and it was so yummy. We went to the Star Cafe...my first time there but I remembered that my dad used to go there with  his work buddies after work.
I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness today. Not so much forgiving others...but of forgiving ourselves.
I have never struggled much to forgive others...instead I find ways to make the problem mine instead of theirs. I often thought "If I just hadn't been there, it wouldn't of happened to me", or "If I hadn't of been drinking...."If I hadn't of bought the alcohol...", just silly ways to make the problem my own.
My therapist told me that I need to find a way to forgive myself.
So today every time something negative has come up in my mind I immediately think to myself "forgive yourself, forgive yourself". It HAS kept Me from getting too down on myself today.
What are ways that you have found to forgive yourself??? Is the trick as simple as positive thinking?

My family

Just a Thought

I wanted to write today and say I'm so grateful for my family and friends. They mean so much to me.
The brother I live with, Justin, puts up with so much of my crap.
I have these terrible nightmares and I wake him during the night, several nights a week.
I also feel depressed a lot, but he always makes me talk about whats getting me down, which helps a lot,
My brother Shane is so nice to bring me my favorite treat... Jamba Juice, when I bug him for it, and he always makes me laugh.
I don't see Sean much because he lives so far away...I need to call him more.
My parents are the coolest, and still spoil me. They hear a lot of "Can you get me"'s.  And they find the best deal for the most amazing stuff online, which gets here in two days with Amazon Prime!!! ;)
I have two amazing friends... both Audreys, which I never get to see...but I try to call them when I can. Audrey J always reminds  me to pray and sometimes prays with me on the phone. Our religions are different but we are both Christians. She sent me the most amazing Christian book by Joyce Meyers. Audrey C is the most amazing mother, and makes the cutest babies!!! And she always makes me laugh...they both do.
My new friend Susan is the sweetest human I know. She always lifts me up when I am down. She makes my Dr appointments fun...thank you Susan!
I have many other friends, old and new...and lots of wonderful family.

Pentel oil pastel "dark"

Choose The Right Way, And Be Happy

I want to talk today about the way Satan fights to have us on his side.
You hear lots of stories about the advisary working hard on us, for example someone may be getting ready to go to the temple but they get a flat tire, then the road is closed and they cant get there on time for their session.
Its happened to me, and I bet have or know someone with similar experiences.
Satan wants to win us over, he wants us down on ourselves, frustrated, mad, confused, depressed, anxious, tired... the list goes on and on.
And its so easy these days to find something that will bring us down.. perhaps you see a commercial that is inappropriate, or your favorite show is getting more gruesome or dirty then you would like. Maybe someone cuts you off driving and you say something inappropriate or you feel so depressed that you feel suicidal.
These things happen to me.
We can focus on them... or we can CHOOSE to look for the good.
Maybe instead of watching the TV we can listen to a MO-Tab CD, or scriptures on tape. Maybe we can google LDS Quotes! Maybe instead of that romance novel at Barnes and Noble you can get one at Deseret Book instead...or any book by a Christian writer.
Go on a walk..on the temple grounds if you want. Call a friend that will bring you up. Be there for someone in need...service.
There are so many things that can bring us up  you see!!! Choose the right.
The thing I think that will bring anyone up that is feeling down is service. You don't have to have lots of time, or spend money... just being there to some is enough. A phone call...a letter sent.
Artwork keeps me sane... what about you? Share in the comments about what you can do that will bring you up so we can have more ideas!
Love you all!!!

Pentel oil pastel "Boxed Flowers"

We are...

Why do us women who have been abused see so little in ourselves? We give up  way to quickly with such little fight... we seldom see the worth we have in us as daughters of God.
For me... I know that we are created in Gods image, I know I am a daughter of God. I know Heavenly Father loves his children and sent His Son Jesus Christ to atone for sins so that we may overcome the battles we face and return to Him, wiped clean of the filth we build upon ourselves on earth.
Knowing all this... I still struggle to see my worth. And I have come to learn through therapy that its because I don't forgive myself. I know Heavenly Father forgives me thru Christ, but I don't forgive me.
How do we forgive ourselves? I don't know the answer quite yet. When I learn the answer I will share.
But I want all to know that Heavenly Father loves us. He created a way for us to return to Him, and we need to accept this. We must learn how to forgive ourselves and He does us.
I'd like to share my testimony...
I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true. I know we are the children of God and I know that Jesus Christ was sent to earth to atone for us, so that we can return to our Heavenly Father. I know that the priesthood, the priesthood that was on earth when Christ was here, has been restored through modern day prophets. The priesthood has saved me, I am here because of the priesthood blessing I received, as i laid dying, by my father. I know that the Holy Spirit is with us, that we may feel Heavenly Fathers love here on earth. I know that we will be reunited with those we have lost when we leave this earth...there is life after death. I could go on and on with my testimony but I will close with this... we are loved. We are worthy. We are so very special, each and every one of us and Heavenly Father had created the way for us to return to Him.
Amen.

Pentel oil pastels "Crazy"