Friends

Today has been a tough day for me... but also a happy day too!
I went to breakfast this morning with my Visiting Teachers, Susan and Jana. I love these women so much. They came into my life just in time.
One night the Relief Society President came over with Susan...had never met either of them. Susan and I instantly felt a connection.
The first time I called her I  was sooo nervous, but I wanted someone to come to my Doctor appointment with me. So, I called and she said "Yes!"! We had the best time as we visited during the appointment..
She later asked the Relief Society President if she could be my visiting teacher and was told yes... so she asked if she could have some time to pray to know who should be her companion and Jana came to her mind.
Jana and I instantly hit it off. We have so much in common. But the greatest thing about her is how she lifts me up! She has a positive outlook which is rubbing off on me.
Today the three of us ordered our food and got into deep conversation. We talked about what a friend is, what a friend does. Which for some reason is a really hard conversation to have as I want to love everyone no matter what...which has actually caused a lot of bad things...including my PTSD as bad things happened when I let my guard down and trusted too quickly.
Its so hard to let people go. But as we change, the people we hang out with sometimes change too. I think its great to have people around who lift you up... no matter the religion...as long as they make you want to be a better person.
Its hard... very tough. But necessary if you want different things in life.
I cannot hang around people who smoke right now because I know I would smoke.
I wanted to go down to my parents last week but I knew that 4 hour drive would be too long to not smoke. I loved smoking on that drive...so I couldn't go visit my family because I want to change.
Thank you Visiting Teachers for breakfast and for the excellent conversations...you both mean the world to me!
Oh, BOTH of my Visiting Teachers had bad dreams about Gunnar last night...that he was taken from me. I am already protective of my baby...I would crumble if I lost him. Please Pray for Gunnar that he wont get lost or stolen!

Pentel oil pastel "beauty"

Not perfection, but strive for Grace

 Its crazy how things change in our lives. Our desires, goals, entertainment choices, hobbies ALL Change from time to time. And that is okay!
I think we need to embrace life. Not only the times when the sun is shining,,, but when its raining too! As I blogged before I believe in the plan of salvation and I KNOW we were instructed concerning our life here on earth before we came. And we AGREED to come anyways! So when life is tough think "Its worth the prize in the end (Eternal life)!".
I believe that eternal life is for the faithful, but I also believe that we will be pleasantly surprised with how many people will be there. I think we who grew up LDS think we need to be perfect in order to get that great blessing in the end....but come on!!! We know there is NO such thing as perfect by now...right? All we have to do is our best and the Lord will make up for our short comings. I like the quote that says, "Simply do what you can do...in the best way you know how, and the Lord will accept you effort" -Pres Gordon Hinckley
So come on, accept that no house is perfectly clean, their is no perfect parenting, you only can do what you can which means the occasional "No", and your weight, race, age doesn't define you..its what's in your soul that matters most,,,its where we are going, not where we have been.
Ive been taking the discussions and it was said that when we are judged it most likely isnt going to be a list of all wrongs read to us,,,but more so questions on where we are going and how we are getting there that matters most.
Please have a good rest of the week!!! Please say your prayers!!! Heavenly Father so much wants to know how we are and is so willing to help is we ask and keep a look out for the answers! A quote I always liked was something like "He doesn't always come when you call him... but He is always on time!".

I Stand All Amazed

I had the best Sabbath Day today!!!
I knew that today was the day I have been waiting for and had woke up at a reasonable time, which was nice because I didn't have to hurry or rush.
I got to church at 11am and sat next to my best friend Susan and waited for sacrament to start, of course I had Gunnar with me which is the best thing in the world cause I get little reminders all day that someone loves me because...he loves me. Anyone who knows me and Gunnar knows that we are so in love with each other!
Then the sacrament hymn started and I knew it was about time for what I have been waiting for..the sacrament. It was really special because the hymn was "I Stand All Amazed"...  which is a favorite. Here are the words..take them in...

1. I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully He proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me He was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died
 Chorus. Oh it is wonderful, that he should care
Enough to die for me. Oh it is wonderful, wonderful To me.
2.I marvel that He would descend from His throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine.
That He should extend His great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem and to justify
Chorus. Oh it is wonderful, that He should care for me
Enough to die for me. Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.
3.I think of His hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, No  I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at His feet.
Chorus. Oh it is wonderful, that we should care for me
Enough to die for me. Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.

Well..  this song always brings the spirit in for me...and it surely did again today...so much so that tears flowed.
The sacrament was passed and I partook of the bread. As I waited for the water to be blessed and served I thought to myself "Yes! Its finally here...but, am I worthy?"  for the briefest of moments I thought "Probably not"... but it was quickly followed by "I feel the spirit today, and I am not listening to you Satan! This is good". All while this happened in the briefest of moments my service dog Gunnar put his front paws on both sides of my waste and licked my face and I TRULY felt  in that moment that my Heavenly Father Himself was giving me a hug! It sounds kind of silly...but it was a very spiritual moment for me and tears again fell down my face.
Looking back on this I make a couple observations. First..we may at times doubt ourselves... but we need to look to where those thoughts are coming from (Satan) and tell Satan to move aside!!! That we are not listening to him today! Second... our best friends with paws are one of if not the closest things to Heaven outside the Temple itself! If you wonder if your loved...look at yourself the way your dog does! They only see the good in us! They really do.
I decided to stay for all of church today and am so glad I did!!! I LOVE my ward! I probably had 20 people introduce themselves and they genuinely was interested in what I had to say.
"Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me. Thank you for guiding and directing me. Thank you for allowing me to feel and recognize the Holy Spirit! Thank you for sending all the love you sent to me  today. Thank you for the hug!"

Metaphor of the Lodgepole Pine's seed...

This is an old church talk that I gave.. and I love it so much!!! So I wanted to reshare the post with ya'll





My Journey; Overcoming Obsticals and Finding Joy: Church Talk; Metaphor of the Lodgepole Pine's seed...: Alright....here is my talk from church today.... "There could not be a better topic to speak on other than what I was asked to spea...

I can do this!

I got a blessing last night as I am struggling with nicotine withdrawals.
The blessing was just what I needed on day 4 of quiting tobacco. A neighbor of my friend Susan came over and assisted Susan's cousin Bill in the blessing. I was told of how much my Heavenly Father loves me...and is proud of me and the spirit was so strong. I love the Holy Ghost...the feeling you get when he is near is amazing. I'm starting to feel him enter my life once again as I am going to church and trying to get my temple recommend back.
Some other things that are helping me quit tobacco are listening to uplifting music, being around uplifting people, using an ice pack to get my mind off of "tobacco, tobacco, tobacco...", chewing gum, doing a puzzle, drawing... just anything to keep me busy.
Thank goodness I have an amazing friend to help me thru this time...she really helps me to try and be a better person. She uplifts me so much! I feel so loved, something I haven't felt in a long, long time. And her cousins Bill and Mary that live with her have also been so inspiring. Bill quit tobacco a long time ago and has had some good ideas to get thru the day and Mary gave me some oil called "Serenity" that is helping tons! They say to just take it a day at a time...and that is what I am doing. All I care about is Today!!!
I want to thank all those that lift me up. Justin, Susan, Bill, Mary and my home teacher Jana is so amazing and just talks to me and sends me positive affirmations all the time.

If you want to quit using tobacco call Utah's Quit Tobacco company at 1800-QUIT-NOW as they can offer Gum or Patches as well as make a good plan on how to get thru the hard withdrawals and just someone to talk to... all for FREE.
My Quit Date = 2/11/17 @ 5pm

Pentel oil pastel "Peacock